Autobio, Health, Psychology, Spirituality, tarot

Gabapentin, Take Three with a Side of Hopelessness

pexels-photo-213172.jpegThird time might be the charm for my adventures with gabapentin. After a comedy of errors and the annoyance of slow responses from my doctor’s office that took over two weeks, I finally got a prescription for 100 mg of gabepentin. I am taking one a day and experiencing a good amount of pain relief without being catatonic or dangerously moody. I also received a diagnosis that I have SIBO and am on a course of antibiotics.

All this good, or at least actionable, news makes my depression greatly diminished, although I still wait for the other shoe to drop. Maybe someday I’ll figure out a way to NOT let anxiety over the future and a feeling of inevitable doom drive my actions and nervous system quite so much. Baby steps.

I’ve been reading Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart. Last night I read the chapter called “Hopelessness and Death.” It was one of the most freeing and uplifting things I’ve read in a good while. It also reignited my drive to work on the accompanying text for my tarot deck.

In this moment, I take another baby step into the unknown with fearlessness and hopelessness. The ground continually shifts beneath me. I put my foot down anyway.

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