Yesterday my aunt passed away from COVID-19. After almost two weeks in the hospital, they decided to turn off her ventilator and let her go. She had a troubled life, in many ways, suffering with many health ailments. We joked she had 99 lives because she'd cheated death so many times. She loved hunting and… Continue reading Two Simple Happenings that Got Entangled
This is not unique these days, but I feel like I've lost my ability to socialize. It was never my forte. I was sick a lot as a child, so I didn't learn to socialize as a young child and just had to wing it. I'm still winging it many years later after therapy, study,… Continue reading I’ve Lost My Ability to Socialize But Not Because of the Social Distancing Rules
I've been thinking a lot about my "career," whatever that even is anymore. We are so defined by our jobs. "What do you do?" is an early small talk question, but it's just one more box we put ourselves in to, like where you live, what your name is, how many followers you have on… Continue reading I Am (Not) a Flower in the Sky
Friendship drift happens for lots of reasons. I've personally experienced it due to someone going back to school, getting married, breaking up, having children, moving, health issues, and taking a new job. These are all normal things that facilitate a person, who was once a very important part of your life and you theirs, drifting… Continue reading I Can’t Be Who You Want Me to Be
Lately, I keep experiencing disappointment. Or, rather, I am paying attention to the fact that I experience disappointment. I think experiencing it is an ongoing thing for all of us. But it feels much better, safer, to keep on rolling along, letting distractions pull us away from the pain of disappointment. Yet, the pain is… Continue reading Disappointment with Disappointment
I have been feeling lonely lately, especially so after I interact with my friends. The breadth of space between humans is sometimes staggering, and it can be sad to see that the gulf can only be breached so far. We cannot ever really know another person. Most of us don't even fully know ourselves. There… Continue reading Self Love, Holiday Blues: Loneliness Edition
I've been in a funk lately, avoiding anything that makes me think too hard—like writing blog posts. In the past, I would've been beating myself up about this. Of course, those castigating thoughts are still there, but I continue my practice of being more gentle with myself. It took me some time to get to… Continue reading Self Love, Holiday Blues
We all have shadow sides. Most people don't see these sides. A few, like maybe our coworkers or acquaintances, see snippets on our worst days. Even our friends may only catch glimpses. If we're really good at hiding it, even our close family rarely see it. A lot of us probably don't even see our… Continue reading Hope Must Die. I Will Kill It.
Sometimes I get lost in "me." My financial difficulties, my mental problems, my physical pain and limitations. All I see are the obstacles that heighten my hardship. I become obsessed with all the systems that make my life more challenging and how all those systems need to change or just plain suck. I get lost… Continue reading Self-Reliance; No-Self–Reliance
Recently, my husband and I took an R&R long weekend at a cabin in the countryside about an hour from home. I was sitting on the screened porch one morning, sipping tea and listening to the birds. A pasture area lay off beyond the trees. The air smelled fresh after the rain the night before.… Continue reading Stress, Suffering, Pain, and Release
Suicidal Tulip 