I've been thinking a lot about my "career," whatever that even is anymore. We are so defined by our jobs. "What do you do?" is an early small talk question, but it's just one more box we put ourselves in to, like where you live, what your name is, how many followers you have on… Continue reading I Am (Not) a Flower in the Sky
Friendship drift happens for lots of reasons. I've personally experienced it due to someone going back to school, getting married, breaking up, having children, moving, health issues, and taking a new job. These are all normal things that facilitate a person, who was once a very important part of your life and you theirs, drifting… Continue reading I Can’t Be Who You Want Me to Be
With quarantine going strong, I notice more and more people sharing how much they miss people, often expressing this to the people they miss. There is an exchange of affection expressed. It got me thinking again how I participate in this give and take of mutual reassurance. Am I merely expressing a kind of gratitude… Continue reading I Don’t (Want to) Need You to Love Me Back
Lately, I've been feeling sad a lot. It's not an overwhelming depression feeling. It's just grief. A sense of loss. No one has died, but things change a lot. Meditation and mindfulness practices make me more acutely aware of this. My study of Dharma tells me that this grief is a sign of attachment. It's… Continue reading Maybe This Is a Problem. Maybe It Isn’t.
Lately, I keep experiencing disappointment. Or, rather, I am paying attention to the fact that I experience disappointment. I think experiencing it is an ongoing thing for all of us. But it feels much better, safer, to keep on rolling along, letting distractions pull us away from the pain of disappointment. Yet, the pain is… Continue reading Disappointment with Disappointment
I have been feeling lonely lately, especially so after I interact with my friends. The breadth of space between humans is sometimes staggering, and it can be sad to see that the gulf can only be breached so far. We cannot ever really know another person. Most of us don't even fully know ourselves. There… Continue reading Self Love, Holiday Blues: Loneliness Edition
I've been in a funk lately, avoiding anything that makes me think too hard—like writing blog posts. In the past, I would've been beating myself up about this. Of course, those castigating thoughts are still there, but I continue my practice of being more gentle with myself. It took me some time to get to… Continue reading Self Love, Holiday Blues
We all have shadow sides. Most people don't see these sides. A few, like maybe our coworkers or acquaintances, see snippets on our worst days. Even our friends may only catch glimpses. If we're really good at hiding it, even our close family rarely see it. A lot of us probably don't even see our… Continue reading Hope Must Die. I Will Kill It.
Sometimes I get lost in "me." My financial difficulties, my mental problems, my physical pain and limitations. All I see are the obstacles that heighten my hardship. I become obsessed with all the systems that make my life more challenging and how all those systems need to change or just plain suck. I get lost… Continue reading Self-Reliance; No-Self–Reliance
Recently, my husband and I took an R&R long weekend at a cabin in the countryside about an hour from home. I was sitting on the screened porch one morning, sipping tea and listening to the birds. A pasture area lay off beyond the trees. The air smelled fresh after the rain the night before.… Continue reading Stress, Suffering, Pain, and Release
Suicidal Tulip 