Recently, my husband and I took an R&R long weekend at a cabin in the countryside about an hour from home. I was sitting on the screened porch one morning, sipping tea and listening to the birds. A pasture area lay off beyond the trees. The air smelled fresh after the rain the night before.… Continue reading Stress, Suffering, Pain, and Release
So, life has been challenging this summer. My back has not been playing nice, which means my house is a disaster, my productivity has been dismal, and my blog neglected. But, I just finished six weeks of aquatic physical therapy, and my body is feeling so much better. Of course, then my husband gave me… Continue reading Aquatic Physical Therapy is My New BFF
The last 12-months have been tough. Really tough. It’s been the hardest year of my life.
In sharing my truth here, I feel that writing a long, detailed description of the difficulties I’ve undergone isn’t wholly necessary, although a further exploration of life lessons learned might well follow in due course –
For now, I can tell you that I have been dealing with the potential breakup of my marriage, my dad dying from cancer, severe problems in my job and an ongoing recovery from substance addiction. Despite trying to help myself via regular visits to the Doctor, counselling and prescribed SSRIs I was slowly but surely falling into a deep black hole. Combined, these problems took me to the very edge.
During this year there have been days where I felt like I’d been sucker-punched in the stomach. Left with a deep, emotional pain, heavy and dense, stretching…
View original post 1,351 more words
An exercise I might try doing. When I got married, we had to do some required pre-marital counseling with our pastor, who had us write 100 things we loved about the other person. It was hard, even though I loved and still love my husband a lot. It would be easier to do this list for him now, after 22 years of marriage. I think it will be pulling teeth to do it for myself.
It has been some time since I have written. With summer in full swing and my children all home for vacation, I found I was spending too much time writing and checking the blog and it was becoming a distraction from what is most important in my life: my family. So I chose to take a break. But, with everyone back in school, I am feeling the need to create and to express myself. I am glad to be back.
I’ve written frequently about self love and wanting to improve in this area. I have been grateful to make significant progress in this area over the past couple of months. To share a brief update, I had some adjustments to my thyroid medication which significantly improved my depression. This has helped me in many ways. I no longer have a constant negative dialogue going in my mind. I feel optimistic…
View original post 388 more words
On this past Sunday and Monday, I had three lessons about trust. It showed me some of the ways that trust is so important and also how much it can lack within our society and our relationships. Act 1: Contracts On Monday afternoon I took a class about real estate contract writing for a new… Continue reading Trust, Contracts, ADR, and True Love
I attend a sangha at least once a month. Today the theme was belonging. I have always wanted to feel like I belong, just like pretty much everyone else. As a child, I did my best to fit in, although I had competing groups so I had to pick one. Probably because I spent the… Continue reading Belonging
This week, I let myself hope that my extended time on muscle relaxers and additional back pain was coming to an end. I let myself hope that last week, too, and it didn't work out. But this week felt different. During the day on Monday I felt really good with only half a muscle relaxer… Continue reading The Insidiousness of Hope
Love the metaphor in this piece. It is so easy to live in our heads, but that is so limiting. I’ve been thinking today about letting go and creating a vacuum of space to allow life to fill me up with what I need.
We are all human, and no matter our upbringing, family, education, or life choices, we all encounter struggles, heartache and negative influence, and its so very easy to fall into the trap of overlooking the beauty, kindness, gratitude and love that not only exists in this sometimes unrelenting world, but in ourselves.
We, as humans have the tendency to stick our nose in our own book, and we inherently believe that the script of what others portray on the outside is their actual truth, when in reality, “faking it to make it” is the game they play just as well as you. There were many times in my life that I would assume the perfect life existed in everyone’s else’s story, there were princesses and handsome princes that didn’t have the fire breathing dragon that burned me on more than one occasion. I would hurt so deeply that I couldn’t…
View original post 429 more words
To my mother-in-law, who I know reads my blog, feel free to stop reading now. 😉 One of the least talked about (on the surface, although you can find stuff if you search for it) is how much of an impact chronic back pain has on your sex life. We all hear about how sex… Continue reading Let’s Talk About Sex … and Chronic Back Pain
I've been busy lately working, starting a new job, and doing physical therapy for my acute back strain, so my poor blog has been neglected. Also, being on muscle relaxers constantly for over a month takes a toll on my brain power. I'm finally beginning to taper down to lower doses, so hopefully my brain… Continue reading Emptying the Mind When Life is Full