I have been feeling lonely lately, especially so after I interact with my friends. The breadth of space between humans is sometimes staggering, and it can be sad to see that the gulf can only be breached so far. We cannot ever really know another person. Most of us don't even fully know ourselves. There… Continue reading Self Love, Holiday Blues: Loneliness Edition
I've been in a funk lately, avoiding anything that makes me think too hard—like writing blog posts. In the past, I would've been beating myself up about this. Of course, those castigating thoughts are still there, but I continue my practice of being more gentle with myself. It took me some time to get to… Continue reading Self Love, Holiday Blues
My husband and I have fostered kittens for about 16 years. It's our primary volunteer activity, especially now that my physical body doesn't allow me to do much work in the shelter itself anymore. It's a rewarding experience, although I do sometimes cry when I have to take certain kittens back. It was a lot… Continue reading Pain and Depression Coping Mechanisms: Kittens
So I am entering week three of a major back flare up. This one is unlike any I've had before. It makes it near impossible to sit for long periods of time. At one point, I thought I was getting better, as I could sit longer with a heating pad, but it appears to have… Continue reading Pain and Depression and Meds and Hanging On
Here's the thing about depression and anxiety: sometimes you just can't seem to get anything done. Depression leaves you apathetic, although so can anxiety. Anxiety leads to distraction and difficulty concentrating. Depression drains motivation like a sieve until you're only left with the lump of your body stuck in bed or on the couch or… Continue reading Motivation, Distraction and Apathy
I have had low- and mid-back issues since I was a teenager. Several years ago, a doctor helped me figure out that it all started when I was in a serious car accident when I was four. The accelerator in our car stuck. My mom was driving on a dirt road and drove into an… Continue reading B is for Back Pain and Learning to Live with (and around) It #AtoZChallenge
It's been another rough week. When my stomach and back issues both flare at the same time, I have a lot of trouble dealing, which in turn flares my depression. This was the first time I've had serious suicidal thoughts in about six weeks. Today is a bit better of a day. I took some… Continue reading Random Musings on Chronic Pain, Acute Flare-ups, and Quality of Life
Skin Picking Disorder, also called Excoriation Disorder or Dermatillomania, goes beyond just popping a zit or scratching at the mosquito bite. It means the sufferer compulsively removes perceived imperfections from their skin to the point of causing tissue damage, often creating infections and permanent scars. It affects approximately one in twenty people. This disroder is… Continue reading The Scars I Carry from Skin Picking
Last week I took a Hydrogen Breath Test. This test measures the hydrogen in your breath over a course of several hours as you digest a glucose substrate. If you have enough anaerobic bacteria in you small intestine (which shouldn't be there), they will release hydrogen and methane when they digest the glucose. Basically, you… Continue reading Hydrogen Breath Test
I went to an all-day conference yesterday. I was there about 9 hours. There was a long lunch break. I had time to walk around. The chairs in the rooms weren't the greatest, but I had my ergonomic kit designed to make it easier for me to sit without greatly aggravating my chronic pain condition.… Continue reading The Day a Conference Broke Me
Suicidal Tulip 