We all have shadow sides. Most people don't see these sides. A few, like maybe our coworkers or acquaintances, see snippets on our worst days. Even our friends may only catch glimpses. If we're really good at hiding it, even our close family rarely see it. A lot of us probably don't even see our… Continue reading Hope Must Die. I Will Kill It.
Sometimes I get lost in "me." My financial difficulties, my mental problems, my physical pain and limitations. All I see are the obstacles that heighten my hardship. I become obsessed with all the systems that make my life more challenging and how all those systems need to change or just plain suck. I get lost… Continue reading Self-Reliance; No-Self–Reliance
Recently, my husband and I took an R&R long weekend at a cabin in the countryside about an hour from home. I was sitting on the screened porch one morning, sipping tea and listening to the birds. A pasture area lay off beyond the trees. The air smelled fresh after the rain the night before.… Continue reading Stress, Suffering, Pain, and Release
On this past Sunday and Monday, I had three lessons about trust. It showed me some of the ways that trust is so important and also how much it can lack within our society and our relationships. Act 1: Contracts On Monday afternoon I took a class about real estate contract writing for a new… Continue reading Trust, Contracts, ADR, and True Love
I attend a sangha at least once a month. Today the theme was belonging. I have always wanted to feel like I belong, just like pretty much everyone else. As a child, I did my best to fit in, although I had competing groups so I had to pick one. Probably because I spent the… Continue reading Belonging
This week, I let myself hope that my extended time on muscle relaxers and additional back pain was coming to an end. I let myself hope that last week, too, and it didn't work out. But this week felt different. During the day on Monday I felt really good with only half a muscle relaxer… Continue reading The Insidiousness of Hope
I've been busy lately working, starting a new job, and doing physical therapy for my acute back strain, so my poor blog has been neglected. Also, being on muscle relaxers constantly for over a month takes a toll on my brain power. I'm finally beginning to taper down to lower doses, so hopefully my brain… Continue reading Emptying the Mind When Life is Full